09/ 28/ 2009
Capital punishment can be considered beneficial for a variety of normal reasons, but they are all lies, it really is only good for three reasons; it keeps Texans happy, it gives Politian’s something to argue over, and it keeps vigilantism down to a minimum. These are really the only important reasons to allow capital punishment.
Consider Texas, it is by far the state that is most in favor of capital punishment. Now consider Texas without Capital Punishment. Perish the thought! Imagine if you will a million angry Texans storming the nation’s capital. Guns and ten gallon hats stretching as far as the eye can see. It would be a blood bath. Capital punishment allows these people to vent their frustration over the bloodcurdling heat in a safe way; watching heinous criminals die. The dust and spicy Mexican food doesn't help their temperament either, which could most often be likened to a rabid porcupine. Like using music to soothe the savage beast, so must we use Capital punishment to soothe the savage Texan.
Politicians are another reason that capital punishment is so great; if it didn’t exist then they would have to find something else to debate. Heaven forbid they actually spend their time hashing out something worthwhile! That would offend the very spirit of America. After all, politicians shouldn’t be expected to work. This is why we need the capital punishment system ladies and gentlemen. It keeps our highest government officials happy and complacent. After all, education, and recession and the growing number of homeless on our streets should never have to be discussed in congress. It’s much too sordid. So we throw out vague noises of controversy and dissatisfaction over the execution of rapists, molesters, and serial killers and Voila! Out scurry our fearless political leaders. Ready to right the wrongs of society, one deranged criminal at a time. Keeping them safely occupied while charities and relief...